Guest Post: Dumbass News

The latest guest blogger to grace the pages of Adventures of an Aussie Girl in London, is Toby from Dumbass News! He is one of my favourite bloggers as he literally ALWAYS writes a post that makes me laugh, shake my head, cringe at the ridiculousness of many members of the human race, all at the same time. It’s almost sad in a way that he has so much material to draw on for his blog Dumbass News, but that’s a bigger issue that we bloggers can’t address.

The other reason I like him is he’s a standup member of the blogging community, always encouraging with comments and likes, sharing our posts, talking to people and recommending other bloggers into your ‘sphere’. It’s exactly how a good blogger should be.

But enough about why I like him, and on to the blog he’s kindly written for us.

 

I don’t often do Guest Posts.

And there are a few reasons for that.

  1. The stuff I write on my blog, Dumbass News, is what one might call “colorful”. Who am I kidding? The stuff I write on Dumbass News is what one would call “disgusting”. And “profane”.
  2. I am not a “writer”. I am A Guy With a Keyboard Who Writes Disgusting and Profane Stuff.
  3. I rarely get invited to do so.
  4. See: Reasons 1 & 2.

Having said all that, I’d like to thank Fiona for having a clear lack of moral clarity inviting me to her Blog Home and allowing me to scratch my nether regions while I’m here.

I promise not to be “disgusting” or “profane”. Except for the scratching of my manly areas, which I will do when nobody is looking.

I am a Considerate Guest Blogger like that.

A Little Background Info

Many years ago, for fifteen years, I was a Radio DJ Guy.

I did over 5000 shows on radio stations all over Texas (my Homeland), New Mexico and Colorado. I also co-hosted  a weekly “Scary Movie Show”, did local breaks for the Jerry Lewis MD Telethon, high school football, baseball and basketball play-by-play and some syndicated Dixie Youth League Baseball World Series games heard throughout the Southern United States. I emceed concerts, charity events, paid remote broadcasts and even made a few bucks on the side doing TV commercials (despite the fact that I have The Perfect Face for Radio).

As you can see, a big part of my job was to create commercials and/or ad campaigns for local bidnesses. My ideas made a lot of bidness owners a lot of money over the years.

The following story is a bit dated, but at the same time it’s completely current in terms of what and why you see the ads you do on commercial TV stations all over the world.

March Madness & The Ole Snipperoonie

For those of you who are not familiar with March Madness, it is, simply put, a series of college basketball tournaments whose winners (and a few At-Large teams) participate in the National Tournament to determine the NCAA (college) Basketball National Champions.

This is a Big Deal in the United States. Next to the Super Bowl, March Madness is probably the second most-watched sporting event in the country.

You can easily understand that with millions of eyeballs glued to the TV during the tournament, why a bidness, large or small, would choose to air commercials during these broadcasts.

Of course it pays to have a brilliant idea to market to the American Public.

Like This One:

As we all know, the economy is in pretty rough shape. As a result, many retailers are offering incentives for you to shop at their business. You know what I mean…buy 1 get 1 free, late night sales that offer deep discounts, etc. I found a business with an incentive that tops anything you’ve ever seen before.

Snip Snip

A doctor in Sandwich. Massachusetts had a plan for all you guys on the go. This special gives new meaning to the term “March Madness”. For you men about town, Dr. Evan Cohen is offering with each vasectomy in March, a FREE pizza! Yes, men, while some guy is fooling around with your nut sack, you can enjoy a nice, hot pepperoni pizza! Pepperoni. Ironic, ain’t it? The pizza of course contains no sausage balls. I’m just sayin’.

Dr. Cohen says that this is the busiest time of year in his clinic for men who seek vasectomies, so he thought a little enticement might boost business. Why he chose pizza I don’t know. It seems to me that hookers would be more appropriate. I mean shouldn’t a guy make test run with his newly snipped huevos rancheros.

Great Idea

Personally, I think this is a great idea. Not necessarily pizza as the premium, though. I think the good Doctor should give away a Cadillac or something with every 20th nut cuttin’. Now that would bring in the business. Think about it. Here are these guys who are giving up ever being a father again and all Dr. Cohen offers is a pizza? C’mon, Doc. Up the ante a little. However. it’s quite possible that we don’t want the vasectomees to reproduce again. They are in Massachusetts after all. But, I digress.

From a marketing standpoint, this is pure genius though. Professionals from all walks of life should give this promotion a try. Lawyers could give away a free divorce or write your will for free. Baby doctors could pass out free diapers, etc.

This whole idea does bring up a question though. What would a proctologist use as an incentive for a colonoscopy?

Nevermind.

I don’t wanna know.

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3 thoughts on “Guest Post: Dumbass News

  1. Thanks a million to “Adventures of An Aussie Girl in London” for allowing me the honor of doing a Guest Post!

    It’s not often that I get published by a Reputable Blog. F has taken a great risk in doing so. And by posting this thing, it has now been proven that even kind, decent, upstanding people will do dang near anything for $20 American.

    But it’s all I could afford to pay her.

    🙂

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