More than a few times a week I have to deal with a completely abhorrent human being. I don’t want to go into too much detail as to the specifics in case someone who shouldn’t is reading this blog, but basically this person is incredibly grumpy, rude to everyone they come into contact with, intolerant of the opposite sex, an intellectual snob, carries around an awful attitude and is a big bully. It’s exhausting and extremely challenging but it’s something I just have to deal with. Match this fact with the better-known fact that I am an anxious person who often stresses about things I can’t control and you’ve got someone who is literally about to snap.
I spend countless nights lying awake, becoming very well acquainted with 3am, and 4am and 5am, worrying about things that don’t matter or can’t be changed at that time of night anyway. I play things back in my head, I double and triple check my mental lists and I have horrible dreams. After 4 such nights in a row and having to deal a lot with said person in the last few weeks, yesterday I was at my wits end and I nearly broke into tears because of fatigue, stress and irritation.
But, I’ve now had a good night’s sleep and I’m finally back on the blogging train after almost a week away from my lovely readers and I wanted to share with you some of the things that keep me sane when I’m having horrible weeks like this. These are the things that make me realise that my problems aren’t all that bad compared to problems faced by billions of others in the world. These are the little things. The ones that make me smile, help me take those deep, calming breaths and eventually get me back to sleep at night.
It’s the way I feel when I have a spatula and a mixing bowl in my hands and an array of ingredients to play with.
It’s sharing a little knowing smile or a joke with a complete stranger on the bus, especially in a city that encourages as little eye contact as possible on public transport.
It’s that first cup of coffee in the morning, before anyone else gets into the office.
It’s the small thrill I get from crossing off an item on my to-do list.
It’s the smell of our washing powder. (Weird, I know, but it gives me comfort and makes me feel at home).
It’s opening a brand new book and making the first crease on the spine.
It’s the sound of the wine bottle as the cork comes out.
It’s going for a run in the morning and seeing a gorgeous sunrise or a beautiful bird or building. It’s overtaking that woman in front, it’s beating my PB.
It’s the smell of the pages within a book whether it’s old or new.
It’s curling up in C’s arms at the end of a hard day or the feeling of his warm skin against mine when I stay in bed for those 2 extra minutes of cuddles before I get up even if I know I’ll be late.
It’s the taste of delicious, healthy, wholesome food and the feeling of accomplishment for being successful with my latest food experiment.
It’s finding money in my pocket that I didn’t know I had.
It’s seeing small acts of kindness between strangers.
It’s seeing a little kid’s eyes light up when they see something interesting in the street or their parent/carer tells them something they didn’t already know.
It’s knowing that my Mum loves me and knows exactly how I feel when I have crazy weeks like this, even if she’s on the other side of the world.
It’s planning to travel to interesting places.
It’s not getting out of my pajamas all day on a Sunday.
It’s turning the music up loud and dancing around the house with C or being really silly together.
It’s having everything in our house in perfect order (a place for everything and everything in it’s place).
It’s the smell of salty sea air (been a while, but still love it) or freshly cut grass.
It’s the knowledge that the sun always rises and knowing each day has the potential to be different.
It’s finally, finally getting to sleep and waking up feeling refreshed.